Dearest father.

Personally, I don’t really like this time of the year. Is the worst time for me and I mean this financially and emotionally. We all know that December is all about that time of the year where everyone is finishing work and it’s almost Christmas.

I’ve never been too into Christmas, this could be because I’ve never really celebrated that growing up in Thailand. Now living in England is different. Everyone is shopping rushing around buying gifts. I really do think Christmas is a waste of money, I mean it should be more about spending time with your love ones than what shall we get someone as a gift. But this isn’t the main reason why I hate this time of the year.

So we have Christmas Eve 24th December. For my brother and I is our fathers birthday. He sadly passed away when I was 14 years old. He was such an amazing father and he was also our best friend. He was always there for us and I can’t think of a time where he wasn’t. Every year this month, the closer we get to his birthday I feel really down. I hate it because I genuinely can’t control my emotions and I think that this is my biggest weakness.

I can’t stop thinking if he can see us, is he proud of us and are we growing into the adult he raised us to be? I would like to think he’s watching over us mainly is because I wasn’t around when he passed and I never really got the chance to say goodbye. So just feeling like he’s there helps me deal with this better because of course I miss him. Every year I keep thinking maybe it’ll get easier but honestly it doesn’t. Not a day goes by I don’t miss him and it hurts as much as it always has been.

From this I just want to say for anyone out there that has lost someone who’s close to their heart, I understand and stay strong. I know that it hurts and it can be really painful, just know that they are always with you through all of your journeys.

Daddy, I love you always. #rip

P x

81 thoughts on “Dearest father.

  1. But always in your heart. And I know the one thing he wants for you more than anything else is…to just be you, find that inner happiness as it will bring him much joy to know you have followed your heart. It is the hardest thing to do in this world, but it is the one thing that will bring a love like nothing else ❤
    Merry Christmas P, share it with your dad for he will be cheering you on the more you take those steps for you ❤

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  2. Honestly I won’t lie to you, the fact remains that the pain won’t and can’t go away my dear. All u can do is to stay strong, pray for him, live with the pain and am sure you will be fine. You have to stay strong for your brother, he needs you.
    My love and good wishes are all I can offer to you.💜

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  3. Ah, yes, this is pain I know and live with, too. Thank you for sharing this most heartfelt piece! Time helps to numb the pain a little, but it never goes away. I find that trying to live life to the fullest while remembering those we love who have passed, to be the best medicine.

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  4. I agree. My dad passed away on oct.3rd 2014. This time of the year is always the hardest for me. I miss him and wish I could see him one more time. I know he s watching over me but it’s just not the same.

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  5. I can relate to this. While it’s not Christmas that’s hard for me, it’s the American holiday of Father’s Day, which is in June. I lost my father in February of 1985,10 years after I lost my mother. I wasn’t home when my father died, my Uncle told me. Christmas should be for the children not adults buying everything under the sun.

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  6. I don’t celebrate Christa because I only celebrate the Holy Days in the bible. However my grandmother (who raised me) celebrated her birthday on 12/22 and we are always sad during the same time of year as well. What I like to do is dig into the word of The LORD and get around those who can appreciate donn the same. No matter what you are not and should not be alone. May The Holy Spirit saturate your atmosphere and comfort you during this time. Blessings in the highest!

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  7. Very touching, I don’t celebrate christmas but I know it is more than gifts. Everyday we should celebrate our families and remember them. May your Fathers soul rest in peace and may he be in the hands of the good Lord. God bless you P x

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  8. Such a beautiful post. My dad died twelve years ago in January. My grandfather back in 1992, also in January. I always breathe a huge sigh of relief when January is over. Thing is, I know they’re around, but it’s still hard.

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  9. Beautiful and heartfelt post. I can’t imagine losing my dad at a young age. Praying your Christmas season becomes filled with JOY. For different reasons, Christmas was hard for me as a teen. I finally discovered the real reason for the season and it turned my life around.

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  10. Good evening Panida and Me too I’m longing for my parents who passed away just a few years ago. Be strong bur remember all the good he had done for you (granting you the gift of life was just the beginning). And you can always count on my tired yet affectionate shoulder to huddle away ftom this cruel world to shed a few tears. Un grosso baccione. Buon Natale cara amica!

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  11. Stay strong and be happy because that’s what your father wants you to be. Wherever he is he would love to see you happy. As a parent I can say that for sure.Missing him is alright. That’s natural m very natural. Keep him close tp your heart and live life with a vigor, Take care.

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  12. This time of the year must be so hard, especially with all the extra emphasis being made and the high expectations set on ‘being happy’ and ‘family time’. Stay strong. You’re a smart girl and your dad is so proud of you as he watches you from above ❤️

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  13. Bless your heart. I have been there and still am. My youngest son(19 yrs old) was killed in an accident on Dec. 15. 1996 and my husband of 50+ years passed away a year ago so yes this is an especially hard time. But we have to keep in mind it is our Lords birth we should be celebrating( even though we don’t really know when he was born). I do think some of the hoopla the world gets into for Christmas is just not pleasing to our Lord but it is up to each to rectify this.So try to bring peace into your life and enjoy those around you because we are not promised a tomorrow.

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  14. I’m so sorry for your loss. One never really gets over the grief of losing someone as significant and amazing as your dad. I think you just learn how to carry the pain of missing lost loved ones. My heart and thoughts are with you during this Christmas season. I hope and pray it is filled with peace and comfort for you!

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  15. Heel goed dat je het eens neerschreef.De periode rond kerst en nieuwjaar is voor heel veel mnsen een moeilijke preiode en zal dat altijd blijven.Ik zelf verloor mijn vader op zijn verjaardag 28 december en we droegeb hem ten ruste op 31 december sindsdien is die periode heel moeilijk geworden en dat is het ondertussen al 52 jaar.Sterkte

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  16. we all have lost someone dearer once in life…these ink and words has helped me a lot to be expressive…paper listens everything so patiently…
    Very emotional and beautiful post 🙂

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  17. I can certainly relate to how you feel about the Christmas season. My father passed away fifty years ago on December 1st. For so many years after he passed away, I could not bear Christmas for the sadness, pain,and loneliness that overwhelmed me.

    It took a long time, but eventually I was able to celebrate Christmas again when I started celebrating it for the birth of Christ. I still miss my dad and I guess I will until I’m no longer alive. And I’m ok with that. Missing loved ones is a very normal part of life, and it just increases the longing to be reunited one day.

    All the best to you and your family!

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  18. My condolences on the loss of your father, a great loss, especially at this time of year. Although many blame God for such tragedies, it is important to remember that Satan has rulership of the world for a little while longer, and from him come sin, sickness, and death. Your pain is understandable, and your expression of sorrow is honorable.
    We know that the birth of Christ probably did not occur on our Christmas day. In any case, what is most important is the time when Christ came to you, was born in you. Also, in these times, we are often distracted, diverted from the real meaning of the occasion by our ease and availability of the worldly goods of this age. We spent this Christmas without wreaths or trees, with minimal gift giving, but with focus on the source of our salvation in a world that is becoming drastically more evil every day. Listening to appropriate Christmas music, not the secular nonsense, and focus on what Christ did for us at great expense to himself was the source of our joy. I try to keep in mind that he did more for me than I ever would do for myself. Again, my greatest sympathy for your loss. We have seen many tragedies around us, deaths to our friends and their family members, and, the saying that misery loves company is only true if that company is comforting. Misery does not love misery. May you be close to and see many comforting friends.

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  19. Thank you for sharing your pain. Sometimes I struggle with that too, especially as I get older and the loss of family and special friends has become larger. The only way I have found to mitigate the pain of such loss, has been to give thanks to God for having had them in my life at all. Over time, as I have done this, the pain of loss has lessened (it never fully goes away) and I have come to appreciate the meaning of the word: bittersweet. May God bless you in the new year with His love and peace. ❤️

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